I began with this title: Every mom can nurse her baby! -- and of course heard from lots of mothers who said they just couldn't breastfeed, no matter what.
Some were mad, and I really feel like they didn't read what I said. They took me to mean that every mother can breast feed her baby.
Wait, isn't that what I said?
Not exactly.
I do think that the vast majority of women can feed their babies milk from their very own breasts. It makes sense that if your body can have a baby, it can also nourish the baby. If you read old books and look at old pictures, you start to realize how much collective memory we've lost, because women always did manage to feed their babies themselves, for the most part (just like everything else, subject to issues on the margin, which they solved by getting someone else to nurse the baby or by mushing up bread in milk and feeding that to the baby on the end of a rag -- and I grant you that those don't seem like very good solutions to us). And it wasn't a big deal at all.
I just want to encourage you with practical advice so that you can act on that little thought that has been lurking in the back of your mind that maybe things aren't quite right, but you don't know how to solve them! Maybe you can increase your odds of getting out of the margin and into actually being able to breast feed your baby. That's why I posted 8 Random Nursing Tips and asked you for yours.
Dear Stefania sent me a nursing tip and gently reminded me that I had closed the comments on that post, so she couldn't put her tip there. Usually around here people chime in with good discussions in the comment section. I guess on some topics I just feel like the conversation is likely to get heated up really quickly, and there are other places for that.
Luckily, our readers are really perceptive, and I did get a lot of emails with good tips that you might find helpful.
So here are some tips and comments from our dear, sweet readers! I offer them in the spirit of sitting around the kitchen table, telling each other our experiences, and learning so much that might help.
A friend had reported a similar case. Never in my wildest imagination had I thought that a doctor would overlook a tongue-tie problem! It seems like this is smack-dab in the middle of the pediatrician's job description, namely, investigate physical problems that might interfere with healthy development.
By the way, my friend's baby's tongue-tie was on the side, near the back. A nurse suggested looking there. So yet another case of Mom, ask questions and insist that your worries be addressed. It is not normal for a child to have difficulty nursing to that degree, or for you to be black and blue from trying to feed him.
I would say that a five-month-old can certainly go three or four hours between a couple of feedings, but will still need a few that are closely spaced. Learn your own child's rhythm and help it along by trying to nurse on both sides for each feeding. Just make sure that he is completely draining the second breast so that he gets that important hind milk. In a few days, the fore/hind milk issue should sort itself out.
Wait, isn't that what I said?
Not exactly.
I do think that the vast majority of women can feed their babies milk from their very own breasts. It makes sense that if your body can have a baby, it can also nourish the baby. If you read old books and look at old pictures, you start to realize how much collective memory we've lost, because women always did manage to feed their babies themselves, for the most part (just like everything else, subject to issues on the margin, which they solved by getting someone else to nurse the baby or by mushing up bread in milk and feeding that to the baby on the end of a rag -- and I grant you that those don't seem like very good solutions to us). And it wasn't a big deal at all.
In fact, when I really try to picture how daily life was before our modern conveniences, I think the real issue was going to the bathroom. Yikes.
Today we have nice bathrooms (thank goodness and can I have one off my bedroom, please?) but are a little wacky when it comes to feeding our children, and I don't even mean mother's milk. A whole lot of Americans can't even pack a lunch for a child, apparently, but that's another story.
Bottles come in handy when you find yourself on that margin -- in the small percentage who can't feed their babies from the breast. Not to mention if you've adopted a baby you are going to be mighty glad for bottles, and if you are very ill after giving birth, like I was once, ditto.
Did you ever read any Dickens? He will talk about a young girl nursing her baby brother. What do you think he meant?
Nursing means holding, comforting, caring for. It means achieving that level of intimate communication with a non-verbal person that you know whether his cries mean his tummy is uncomfortable or he is hungry. It means rocking and singing to and cradling and knowing each others' special smell.
Every mother can nurse her baby.
Every mother needs to take care, in our ridiculous running-around world, that she is on baby-time. You have a lot of obligations and a lot of places to be. When you breast feed, the logistics of it all pretty much demand that you stop what you are doing to hold the baby. You can't very well prop your breast! If you bottle feed, you are sore tempted to prop and hand off and otherwise just mainstream that baby into the wild river of life.
Bottles come in handy when you find yourself on that margin -- in the small percentage who can't feed their babies from the breast. Not to mention if you've adopted a baby you are going to be mighty glad for bottles, and if you are very ill after giving birth, like I was once, ditto.
Did you ever read any Dickens? He will talk about a young girl nursing her baby brother. What do you think he meant?
Nursing means holding, comforting, caring for. It means achieving that level of intimate communication with a non-verbal person that you know whether his cries mean his tummy is uncomfortable or he is hungry. It means rocking and singing to and cradling and knowing each others' special smell.
Every mother can nurse her baby.
Every mother needs to take care, in our ridiculous running-around world, that she is on baby-time. You have a lot of obligations and a lot of places to be. When you breast feed, the logistics of it all pretty much demand that you stop what you are doing to hold the baby. You can't very well prop your breast! If you bottle feed, you are sore tempted to prop and hand off and otherwise just mainstream that baby into the wild river of life.
I do use the words nursing and breast feeding interchangeably sometimes, but nursing means more than breast feeding!
Anyway, I am here for one reason: To help you figure this stuff out.
I just want to encourage you with practical advice so that you can act on that little thought that has been lurking in the back of your mind that maybe things aren't quite right, but you don't know how to solve them! Maybe you can increase your odds of getting out of the margin and into actually being able to breast feed your baby. That's why I posted 8 Random Nursing Tips and asked you for yours.
Dear Stefania sent me a nursing tip and gently reminded me that I had closed the comments on that post, so she couldn't put her tip there. Usually around here people chime in with good discussions in the comment section. I guess on some topics I just feel like the conversation is likely to get heated up really quickly, and there are other places for that.
Luckily, our readers are really perceptive, and I did get a lot of emails with good tips that you might find helpful.
So here are some tips and comments from our dear, sweet readers! I offer them in the spirit of sitting around the kitchen table, telling each other our experiences, and learning so much that might help.
Marla: I never comment, but wanted to say that you are so right about breastfeeding. I'm so glad I was too young and uneducated to know what a hard thing it was. Not that I didn't have sore nipples or problems along the way, but I have breastfed all 7 of mine. Including the one who was so tongue tied she turned me black and blue until I found a doctor willing to clip her tongue (sometimes you have to be a little stubborn about these things).
A friend had reported a similar case. Never in my wildest imagination had I thought that a doctor would overlook a tongue-tie problem! It seems like this is smack-dab in the middle of the pediatrician's job description, namely, investigate physical problems that might interfere with healthy development.
I mean, what do they study? What is that degree for? What do they teach them in pediatrician school anyway?
By the way, my friend's baby's tongue-tie was on the side, near the back. A nurse suggested looking there. So yet another case of Mom, ask questions and insist that your worries be addressed. It is not normal for a child to have difficulty nursing to that degree, or for you to be black and blue from trying to feed him.
Sarah: I'm going to give your tip a go -- about swapping baby after five minutes, as Tabitha (still, at nearly five months) never takes the second side. I put this down to me having so much milk in the beginning. She didn't need the second side then to be full but does now - but I think the habit is already well engrained. The child health nurse told me that she should "only feed every four hours by now," but Tabitha still likes to snack - she might nurse for 5-10 minutes (if I'm lucky) and pull off, then want to eat in an hour or two.
I would say that a five-month-old can certainly go three or four hours between a couple of feedings, but will still need a few that are closely spaced. Learn your own child's rhythm and help it along by trying to nurse on both sides for each feeding. Just make sure that he is completely draining the second breast so that he gets that important hind milk. In a few days, the fore/hind milk issue should sort itself out.
In other words, don't nurse for five minutes only on each side! Just that first side if you are having the difficultly I was describing in my post -- that the child falls fast asleep and will simply stop nursing when detached. Please read the tip and the follow-up and comments again if you don't understand what I'm saying.
{This email reminded me that my mother's doctor prescribed a Guinness a day when she nursed me. I personally am not a beer fan; it's all iced tea, all the time, with me! I never knew that about oatmeal, but it's worth a try. And I looked it up: Fenugreek does indeed help with milk supply.}
Stephania, I like those camis -- maybe a nursing co-op could buy them wholesale.
Listen -- don't forget tip #1: three quarts a day at the minimum while nursing! Eight cups of water = two quarts -- not enough! Get everyone around you into the habit of bringing you a nice drink when they see you sit down with the baby. It doesn't have to be water. Stay away from drinks with high fructose corn syrup (most sodas and bottled fruit juices) and aspertame, AKA "natural flavor," (most sodas and bottled fruit juices). Decaf iced tea, lemonade, beer -- all are good.
More Sarah: For baby's extreme discomfort on one side: Get your child's spine checked by a pedeatric chiropractor. Though a fussy feeder all around (and still is), Tabitha was particularly fussy feeding (lots and lots of screaming) from the left side. Since having treatment for a neck problem, probably caused by delivery, she now takes the left side happily (well, at least as happily as she takes the right). It has made a massive difference to our breastfeeding experience.
Oh, and another tip about feeding strikes - Tabitha was on one for three days at one stage and we saw three different doctors, none of whom could find any medical cause (though in retrospect it could have been her neck troubles) for her refusing the breast. One of the doctors said we should just put her on a bottle, but we perservered. We gave her dream feeds at night and while she had naps so I knew she was getting adequate nutrition and liquids and the whole problem resolved itself in a couple of days. In subsequent research I have found that feeding strikes are quite a common occurrence at the 3-6 month stage, but most don't go for as long as Tabitha's did.
Barbara: After giving up on child number one after one week (and no milk yet!), I was riddled with guilt for not trying hard enough and was bound and determined to nurse child number two. He screamed for a month, I kid you not. My own dear husband begged me to give him a bottle — that’s a whole nother topic entirely!
My nipples were too flat for him and/or he just couldn’t latch on well enough. The best thing I ever did was use milk cups/breastfeeding cups. Not nipple shields, but plastic cups that mother places in her bra that not only forces nipples out but catches the letdown on the breast baby is not nursing on (and if you sterilize those cups you can save the let down milk — sometimes more than an ounce of precious breast milk).
Also, my son rejected my right breast after a couple months or so, probably due to tonic neck reflexes (he just preferred to have his head turned a certain way) and I continued to nurse him for 12 more months on one breast only. He was a chubby as could be (though I was a little lopsided!) and I found, after reading up, how important it is for baby to drain at least one breast to get the rich hind milk — the fattening stuff.
If baby only drinks the fore milk from both breasts it could be the reason he is hungry all the time. Your advice for baby to switch breasts shortly after starting was good — baby can drain the second breast and get a good bellyful.
Michelle: I have really enjoyed the last few posts, you are so very right on the "freaking out" attitude that has permeated into the world, but especially in the world of motherhood and caring for new babies. Our newest baby has just turned two months, and honestly I always freak out about being able to breastfeed with every child we have had. My first experience with breastfeeding was almost a complete disaster that recovered around six months when I stopped listening to everyone and every paper and book and just followed instinct. Needless to say things have gotten progressively better with each child and this fourth baby has been the easiest so far. :)
One of the things I like most about your site (and you) is that I have been able to get the advice that the women in my family were not able to share (just not very open or willing to talk about life). Your girls are blessed, and I am grateful that I found your site it can be very comforting. :) Hoping to be there for my children, especially my daughter in that way.
A tip that I wanted to share for any of those moms out there that feel they are not making enough milk. Oatmeal in any form works wonders. My favorite is oatmeal in cookie form. It works almost immediately, I can actually feel it working. I have a really great breakfast cookie recipe that I will post on my blog soon if you would like it let me know.
And... as a last resort beer and fenugreek...not necessarily at the same time. A beer works almost as fast as oatmeal, but there is the alcohol factor, and fenugreek takes the longest to work but is effective.
{This email reminded me that my mother's doctor prescribed a Guinness a day when she nursed me. I personally am not a beer fan; it's all iced tea, all the time, with me! I never knew that about oatmeal, but it's worth a try. And I looked it up: Fenugreek does indeed help with milk supply.}
Sara: I've nursed four babies (one with a bilateral cleft lip & palate even - that was by the grace of God!!!), and I got infections with three. My fourth is almost a year, so I'm still
nursing and enjoying it. Your suggestions were great and some of the tricks
that I figured out along the way. I just wanted to mention that there are these
great nursing camisoles. I bought mine at Target. I love them because they have the little flaps that you can fasten at the top and your belly is covered while nursing. I've also taken
cheap tank tops and cut flaps, so I could tuck in the tank top and use a regular
nursing bra and keep my belly covered--especially when it's cold!!! Just wanted
to pass that on! I love your blog.
Stefania: I have a five-month-old daughter and a two-year-old son. I nursed my son for a year and weaned him beginning at 10 months. I didn't love nursing, but I did love the benefits of it. I pray I can nurse this second baby 12 months, as well. I was talking to a friend recently and I shared I was ready to introduce solids to my baby (thinking it might help her sleep a bit longer because for "some reason" she's waking more frequently at four months--duh! Your blog just reminded this new mama of that 4 month growth spurt!!!) Anyways, my friend (being a wonderful friend) gently reminded me, via your blog, of the natural spacing issues and low supply that can occur when we introduce solids. Needless to say I am drinking my 8 cups of water and finding peace nursing my little one. Like you said, it's only a short time, and I know that one day I'll miss these days. So, I'm waiting to introduce solids for a little longer. My baby girl is chubby and healthy and eats and sleeps (mostly great). I often forget that each child is different and while my supply was up for a year with my son, it might change with my daughter. So, thank you for your insights!
The other reason I'm writing is that I wanted to share this little gem I discovered during my second pregnancy. You mentioned bras and nursing gear in your post. Have you heard of undercover mamas? I don't have any affiliation with them, just that I really like their product. They solved the "cut out a whole in your camisole to hide your wobbly tummy issue." Just thought I'd let you in on them :)
Thanks for your blog!
Stephania, I like those camis -- maybe a nursing co-op could buy them wholesale.
Listen -- don't forget tip #1: three quarts a day at the minimum while nursing! Eight cups of water = two quarts -- not enough! Get everyone around you into the habit of bringing you a nice drink when they see you sit down with the baby. It doesn't have to be water. Stay away from drinks with high fructose corn syrup (most sodas and bottled fruit juices) and aspertame, AKA "natural flavor," (most sodas and bottled fruit juices). Decaf iced tea, lemonade, beer -- all are good.
I also have a separate round-up on tips from readers about avoiding and curing thrush.
Do you have any tips to add? What is the best nursing advice you got?
Do you have any tips to add? What is the best nursing advice you got?
