~ Capturing the context of everyday life ~
Every Thursday, here at Like Mother, Like Daughter!
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Deirdre with John, before our party, probably getting ideas for crazy party games.
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Every year we have a big New Year's Eve party.
It all started when the Chief and I got panicky about our teenage boys wanting to drive to friends' houses down a dangerous "highway" (read: scary fast road with no barriers dividing the traffic).
We do our best to host something that combines a family party with a celebration that lasts into the wee hours, complete with crazy party games and a champagne toast. And singing.
We try to make a gathering that satisfies the teenage need to par-tay, and yet establishes a benchmark for real fun, hopefully excluding the idea that simply drinking constitutes fun. Because we have wonderful friends, they have been on board with the concept of a party that significantly interferes with our generation's need to sleep.
Don't get me wrong -- the kids have sometimes mightily resisted this party. When they get safely out of the teen years, they are free to do something else, and we concentrate on the next ones coming up. They might, even now, be sort of mocking me as they read this. And not every family can make the investment to make it happen, which has sometimes made it hard for us to keep going.
Believe me, I appreciate the thought of staying home with Chinese food and board games! As long as your gang is happy doing that, go for it!
But my kids are so sociable, sort of crazily so (wonder where they get that from, anyway!), that it's been worth the effort to keep this tradition going. They humor me, and hopefully some day they will understand what we are trying to do. I mean, the really big picture of what we are trying to do.
Let me 'splain it to you.
Some years, when New Year's Day isn't on a Sunday, we can go to the Vigil Mass for the Holy Day (The Mother of God), and the party is a supper that goes on into the night. Since it's also the 7th day of Christmas (until it becomes the 8th), we ring in the New Year with Christmas carols, singing all the verses to as many carols as we can manage.
The party, in the past, has ended as late as 3 am, with Joseph and his friends playing jazz in their little band for us, and Will, as always, managing the logistics and general hilarity. (The grandparents of friends missed this year for the first time in ages, now that they are well into their 90s! In the past, they have been the party closers, keeping everyone laughing with their antics. And we have tried, somewhat in vain, to convince little ones to lie down on blankets in the living room and just drift off.)
Sukie has always led our caroling on the piano, and she and Mama have a similar mission to exclude all "mall" versions of holiday songs, putting the strong kibosh on Jingle Bells in any form. Once you begin to explore the world of carols, you realize how very lovely, wonder-filled, and catechetical they are, teaching in their beauty and poetry all the lessons of the miracle of the Incarnation that take theologians volumes to convey.
This year, with New Year's Day on Sunday -- as well as a changing demographic that again includes younger children -- we moved everything up to more or less end at midnight, which is fine with us.
Parties -- celebrations -- are an important way to form the culture. In a way, the kind of parties you have says a lot about what your culture is. You see, culture itself arises from the celebration that emerges from true worship. (Remember reading Leisure, the Basis of Culture, a while back? This is what that book was about.) This isn't an abstract notion. It's as real as can be.
The problem with our society is that as worship has degraded into entertainment, entertainment has seemed strangely unfulfilling. Each family, to restore the culture, has to find a way to re-join the two in their organic relationship: true worship and lively celebration! Order and wonder! Ritual and elation! We can't be satisfied with weak liturgy, and we can't be satisfied with wimpy, superficial, barren fun.
And we can't be satisfied with our own warm memories, if we are lucky enough to have them, or dreams of some day. We have to try, here and now, with our own imperfections, to get going on the project of saving Western Civilization. I beg you, don't make the Super Bowl the most satisfyingly fun thing you do all year!
A really fun party, then, will often be linked to a really big feast day (and of course, every day in the Christmas Octave is a big one!). And it will almost always include all the ages.
{Of course there is a place for the strictly age-segregated event. I enjoy a couples' dinner or a cocktail party as much as the next person. For kids, there is a time when they benefit from being together on their own (bonfires are great for that bonding time). They need to form their friendships and have silly fun with no adults around!
In my opinion, New Year's Eve isn't one of those times! It's just too darn dangerous, and late, and besides, with the next day a holy one, with the need to get to Mass, it's a great opportunity to make the connection between worship and celebration.}
I hope this is making sense, but to keep it practical I will give you the nitty-gritty on what we do, keeping in mind that the whole shebang is our best effort, but by no means the last word on great parties. Don't get me wrong here and start thinking that this is an unreachable ideal. Far from it. I'm sure our guests would tell you all sorts of ways that things could be better, and I'm only here to tell you that if we can do it, so can you!
Party essentials:
• A room where kids can hang out at the beginning of the party, maybe with a Foosball table or board games. Keep an eye on where the beer is going.
• Food and drink. It's important to have something you serve every year, I think. In this case, it's ham and a big pot of potato chowder. Somehow, people look forward to things being the same. With, of course, interesting variations (which I will tell you about another day).
• Carol booklets or hymnals with good old-fashioned carols, all verses. If you must have Frosty-type songs, get them over with at the start, and please, for the love of all that is merciful, keep it to a minimum. As far as I am concerned, the stores have destroyed these songs and they had very little value to start with.
This might take some work -- collecting beautiful carols in one place and having enough copies for everyone. I recommend this book, Take Joy, to start:
(It's well worth in the $20-$30 range for a used one in good condition.)
And this one, The Trapp Family Book of Christmas Songs:
(The Amazon links are being tricky. Try refreshing your page if you aren't seeing links to the books.)
• Champagne and sparkling cider for the toast. Toasts if people are up to it.
• The singing of Auld Lang Syne.
• The singing of the Salve Regina Chant to herald Our Lady's Day. (It happens that most of our friends and family know this chant very well. If that's not the case for you, you can learn it! You have a year!)
• Fun-loving friends who are in it for the long haul! Start when your kids are young and go to bed early. By the time they are teens, they will be up for this kind of thing.
Games we like to play, once everyone has gathered (we don't always play them all every year):
• The Murder Game (although, one year, we had a guest who had actually been the victim of an attempt on her life -- yikes! -- so we changed it to the Thief Game). Our version is quite scaled down, with little pieces of paper determining the roles. The conversation at the beginning of the evening is punctuated by screams from "murdered" guests. Some of our friends really relish making the most of this dramatic moment! At the end, before the toast, we have a trial to determine the perpetrator. With this crowd, that is one noisy trial.
• The Guess Your Character Game. Everyone loves this one, and you can have fun matching your guests to their alter egos/nemises. (We tape the name to the person's back, not their forehead, which just seems a little invasive.)
• The Party Quirks Game. Deirdre and Bridget, with assists from others, come up with amazingly funny scenarios beforehand. Some examples from the past: You are watching your sister's kids in a china shop. You are a dentist trying not to notice people's teeth. You are obsessed with the color red. You fall asleep unless you are asked a question. You think the world is ending tonight and are trying not to panic. Etc. Announce the quirks to the group while the host is out of the room. (Be warned if you choose to watch the You Tube videos of the Whose Line is it Anyway skits -- they are hilarious but often quite rude. We are G-rated only.)
• The New Year's Resolutions Game. Write resolutions (stay away from losing weight--type ones, and go for "learn to Irish Step dance"--type ones) on slips of paper. One guest picks from a hat and chooses another guest to give it to. Start off with pickers who understand that the less matched-up the recipient is to the resolution, the funnier the moment will be.
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Getting tired... but still game!
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Real #1: Don't be thinking that I have it all together and that's why I can do this. For instance, this is the first year that our guests were able to come in the front door! (Oh, that's another post!) The parking in our dark yard is always an adventure, I know. And I'm sure they could give you an earful about how I am just a tad aggressive when it comes to making them play games, and how I berate them when they try to sing the Jingle Bell Rock. They have been rolling their eyes through this whole post, I have no doubt. That's okay. I don't claim to be perfect, only trying. (I will say this -- if no one makes them play or sing, they won't do it, but that's what they enjoy in the end. Hard my row is to hoe.)
Over the years, we have invited the families of our children's friends. That has meant that not everyone we love has been included, and that has been hard.
Every year we think we are not doing it again. But this and similar things need to be done, organically and according to your own circumstances. You can do it.
Real #2: Everyone needs a nap before the party!
Over the years, we have invited the families of our children's friends. That has meant that not everyone we love has been included, and that has been hard.
Every year we think we are not doing it again. But this and similar things need to be done, organically and according to your own circumstances. You can do it.
Real #2: Everyone needs a nap before the party!
And Mama needs an obligatory Will-under-a-blanket shot!
