I've noticed that one (perhaps unintended on your part, dear readers) side-effect of infrequent posting on my part is an increase in emails I receive that have the theme "I'm looking through the archives and thanks, it's really helping me." [Followed by, as the author says in Backyard Sugarin'
, unwarranted compliments.]Apart from being just really sweet and affirming, these emails have been reminding me to remind you of something, something I've downplayed in my actual posts lately, just because it gets embarrassing to say every time --
If I can do it, for sure you can too!
I mean, in theory I could label every single post with that tag. In practice, it would make that category somewhat useless! Simple index management prevents me from slapping that sentence across every title.
Yet, it's true.
There is simply no way that you don't have more ability than I to make a home, with all that making a home entails. I fail every day, at that and at many other things.
{The only two reasons that I have any presentable photos which might make you think otherwise is
a) they are very close-up shots, so you don't see the rest
b) the only kid around most of the time these days is one who wonders why on earth I don't sweep the hearth after putting logs in the fire, and then does it for me.}
It wasn't always thus, as you can imagine. It was just like it is at your house if you are a little conflicted, easily distracted by books, and prone to flights of fancy regarding what your true destiny might be. Only, worse.
However, in the interest of slaying vanity disguised as false modesty, I will say that I know how to get you to tackle some stuff, apparently. What that stuff is, I try to take a guess at, and you have to take what I say in that spirit of random projection. Above all, may you come away from this space knowing that the stuff you need to deal with is your very own.
Speaking of God, a while ago I read a blog post, the author of which was embarking on the project of finding out what God's will for her is.
I'm sorry, I don't remember the name or anything else about it. I only remember that one fact, and it comes back to me every once in a while, because of her thinking that finding God's will for her was going to be a vast, immense project. I think she was allotting a year, maybe more, to get the job done.
Do you sometimes feel that way? That you have no idea what God's will for you is? That you would need to take time off and go away to focus on just that one problem in order to make head or tails of it?
What would you think if I told you that you could find out right now what His will is? That it's a "problem" of a day, not years? His will for you, specifically? (And I'm not going to trick you by saying that God's will for you turns out to be "love everyone," or "work for world peace," or "lock and load"!)
It's not really a secret, and it's so simple that it seems like it couldn't possibly be true. It's just this:
Trying to do all the stuff you have to do, today, with a loving heart.
Not all the stuff you could possibly do.
The stuff you have to do.
Knowing what that stuff might be is couldn't be simpler, and counts as the most lovely prayer and also remedy for the distraction of other people's priorities: In God's presence, think of your obligations; the people to whom you are obligated.
{You have obligations to God, and they are quite simple. He doesn't ask for much: Worship Him on Sundays, give thanks, ask Him, keep His commandments. Your husband -- he has obligations to you too, and the best way to get him to live up to them is to live up to yours; don't fall into the trap of thinking he has to go first. Your children -- it's all you, they owe you nothing until they can learn the Fourth Commandment, and even then it's a work in progress. A boss if you have one. The newsletter for the committee if you said you'd do it. A class if you're teaching one. And to yourself -- take a shower, get some rest, eat a proper meal, and stop running around like a crazy person.}
You could sit down right now and make a list of your stuff. If it's just what you have to do, today, it won't take long, especially if you take into account your limitations: illness, nursing a baby, tiredness, importunate toddlers, someone unpleasant you must deal with....
I won't shy away from the word for doing your stuff:
Duty.
The thing you should be doing today...the one thing...for the ones God has given you to serve.
Duty. An elusive, if not repellent, word. I mean, we feel repelled when we haven't been doing it.
It hides itself behind strange ideas that come from no where and everywhere, thoughts like looking for God's will somewhere other than here.
But, I've noticed a paradox, perhaps embedded in the Gospel injunction that we must die to live, and that the stone that was rejected becomes the cornerstone: that when you joyfully and wholeheartedly do the things you have to do as coming directly from the hand of God, then other unforeseen other things open up, and you discover the big picture, the adventure, the outrageously perfect plan God has for you. If adventure is what you wanted. If not, you discover the marvelous rest God has for you!
In other words, you find your heart's desire, so don't be afraid!
One step at a time.
So while you are waiting for the big reveal from on high, and thinking, "If only, if only!" (the number one sentence starter for getting led astray -- "If only I lived somewhere else! If only I were married to someone else! If only my children were like her children! If only I could do things easily like she does!) -- and wondering what in Heaven's name God's will for you could be, and whether you should go reform the slums or climb a Peruvian mountain or rescue flood victims, and maybe those are things you should do, for all I know, it's not up to me...
...just make a little list, a short tiny teensy list of things that you should do today where you are: Get supper ready, make sure everyone has something clean to wear tomorrow, make the bed, give the baby a bath, call the doctor to make an appointment, wash the dishes.
Don't be like Mrs. Jellyby
, whose eyes could see no closer than Africa! “It must be very good of Mrs Jellyby to take such pains about a scheme for the benefit of natives — and yet — Peepy and the housekeeping!” And, you know, I happen to think that trying to be competent helps you have a loving heart!
I think that you love what you do when you know how to do it! Whether it's something the world sees as important or something it sees as drudgery, what's stopping you from tackling the stuff you have to do is not really knowing how to do it... how to get started... how to make it a habit....
Not only cleaning a bedroom but doing a good job of it -- I don't know, it just satisfies in a way that cleaning it without being competent doesn't. And clean it you must.
Getting a good supper together, on time, frugally -- there's a satisfaction in that, and I don't think it's sinful pride. I think it's the same good feeling you would have for anyone who did that, like when you say you are proud of your child for a good job. You are allowed to be proud of yourself that same way, you know.
Love your neighbor as yourself...means sometimes taking pleasure in a job well done just as if someone else did it, and this very pleasure glorifies God when it's offered to Him.
I do believe there's some confusion on this.
On the one hand, you could demand a perfectionism in the daily round that would get in the way of more important things. Losing peace over a messy room just isn't worth it. There are valid things that interfere. I remember times I just had to go shopping because no one had any underwear! That meant the cleaning was put off. (Someone who doesn't have a lot of kids around can hardly imagine this as a problem, but there's a critical mass of humanity that makes the smallest errand turn into a bog of quicksand.)
Tomorrow is another day to make another list and try again.
On the other hand, there's a scorn for doing things competently, as if there's something almost shameful in knowing how to keep things clean or teaching a child to read! As if real, intelligent, loving moms shouldn't care about home and children and husband! (Unless they can be shown to be dabbling in a high-priced way -- "I used my fabulous designer squeegee to get this window fabulously clean -- now, off to Martha's Vineyard with the Clintons!")
But a daily commitment, usually without benefit of any kind of designer anything, is not going to be appreciated by many.
Maybe the confusion is not seeing that "be ye perfect" means, I think, that God wants our perfection in love. I think it's consoling to know that He is more patient than we can imagine with imperfections in everything else. There really can't be perfection in material things. So don't you see the go-ahead there to just do a humble, competent job when it comes to the "everything else"?
Do your best to do each thing competently (not perfectly) and add your own little touches for your own and the Lord's enjoyment. Don't get frustrated or down on yourself if it's not perfect, but don't think it doesn't matter. If taking care of your home, husband, and children doesn't matter, what does?
And maybe that little list really will be all, and you will know that. And maybe there will be another thought of something He's trying to tell you. And it will be clear quite soon, don't worry -- no need to run away to find out.
I will help you to the best of my ability with the small duties you may have overlooked. Check out the sidebar and the categories for ideas of where to start.
And know that, with this calm determination to do what you should, you are finding out God's will just fine.
--"Whoever is diligent will soon be cheerful..." (George MacDonald in The Princess and Curdie.)
