Homemade Anthropologie, or my chandelier challenge works out somehow!

Beyond this hall is the entry way of our house. (Please note the bit of molding you see there -- the Chief's handiwork after ripping out the godforsaken louvered doors of ill proportions. He did an awesome job.)


This entry is the same age as our house -- from the second half of the nineteenth century, when I am pretty sure light had been discovered. And if not, surely it had been discovered sometime before the present millenium.

But no. No light.

I needed a chandelier. Actually, even a bare bulb would have been an improvement.

What I wanted was something maybe like this:
But I knew that time was short.

I saw something out of focus and small and dark on Craigslist that looked like it could possibly work, but when I went to look at it I was a bit taken aback.


First, it was covered with grease. The crystals were opaque. With grease.

Who puts a chandelier back in the box, coated with grease?

"You can dip it!" the lady assured me. Dip it? It's 2 feet high and 2 feet wide! Dip it in what, pray tell?

The the picture on the box was not reassuring either. (I regret not taking a photo -- sorry!). It was sort of a Disney version of what a chandelier might be in a bad dream, as far as I was concerned.Bright, almost neon brass and dirty -- was this what I had in mind?

But here we were, and there it was. Do you ever experience this? The inevitability of the sale?

This is how we have acquired many unsuitable dogs, by the way. Anyone who wants to close the deal, just get me into your house. I will have trouble leaving without taking what you are offering, no matter how much my innards are sinking.

Bridget told me to buy it, pointing out that it somewhat resembles the small one in the upstairs hall. I wasn't sure, but I talked the lady down from $85 to $60 (Oh, you are bargaining with me? She asked. Yes, dear, I am. I'm clearly destined to buy this monstrosity from you, but I can put up a little fight!), so I figured I could clean it up and resell it if I didn't like it after all, which I was pretty sure I didn't.
With a basin of pretty much equal parts hot water and ammonia, and a dash of Mr. Clean, I got to work. As she said, all the pieces were there, every one.

The day was one of the few bright sunny ones we had before the wedding, so I started to get a little more optimistic during this process. The crystals were indeed crystalline, so that was a good start. This is a lot of little crystals to get back on there, and at first I got them on backwards (yes, there is a backwards -- a pointy side -- and a frontwards -- a flat side)! But with a little help from my friends, I did it.

I wondered if I could make this into something like this:




Maybe by spray painting a duller brass? But then I was seized by an uncontrollable desire to go black! Drama! Intensity! I was feeling it!



Are you feeling it too?




It's a little high, because the door has to clear it when it opens, which it does -- by a scant 1/2 inch!
But I have to say, I love it! Do you think it's too high?

I wish I had another one for the dining room! And now I have to find something to replace that fixture in the vestibule (see it there? Blah.). Oh, I'll bide my time :)

Thanks to Melissa at The Inspired Room -- go see what others are doing today!
Thanks to Life as Mom -- frugality has its rewards!
Thanks to Gina at The Shabby Chic Cottage!

The entry and the endless hall -- the after pictures!

Some people just seem to revel in redecorating, painting, rearranging...not me.

But you know what, it's worth it to consider your environment and do your best, given your means, to make things cheery and pretty.

If you can accept that things won't be perfect, you can get going. I guess my problem is being held back by that perfect vision -- but who can afford perfect?

As the Chief said, doing this hallway was going to transform our house. We'd lived with it in a dreary state for long enough. I think when we took friends through the house they really wondered what we were thinking, leaving things so...undone!

Before.

I've noticed that when you pray about something that can go either way (live with it or change it), if it's meant to be that you change it, the way to change it opens up.

If it's not meant to be, the door remains closed. It's not as if I liked bare plaster, peeling ceilings, and darkness. We just couldn't cope...and there seemed to be no way to do the work ourselves or to hire anyone.

As I said in the previous post, the wherewithal to do this work (a reasonably priced painter and a little windfall) landed in our laps. So we took the plunge. It's not easy for us to commit, financially or even aesthetically (color? color that will dominate your life?). But we did it.
To get things going on the decorating front, use what you have!

These eight pictures are actually menus that I saved from a trip I went on when I was 14. My father had a sabbatical in Europe, and he took us there on an ocean liner, The France -- one of the last great elegant ships on its penultimate journey across the ocean.

Although I am a "chucker" -- someone who tends to throw souvenirs and little treasures away -- I somehow held on to these pretty things, and when we moved here to these vast expanses of walls, I had my uncle frame them for me. They really pop here against the tangerine color, don't you think?{By the way, the colors are Matisse Gold (California Paint) on the walls and Calming Cream (Benjamin Moore) on the trim.

I'm trying to find the Country Living feature that inspired me, but not having any luck -- sorry! When I find it I will show you.}Remember this?

Do you like this better?



When you get to the top of the stairs, you now see this:
It's mostly trim in this little nook, so the painters didn't use any of the orange, but I think maybe someday I'll try to get some in there. Maybe there is a window treatment that could be interesting, although I'm sure I don't know what it would be...



If you stand with the small, back hall to your back, and look down the front hall, this is what you see now:
I'm not sure about that bookcase, but for now it has to be there. I need some interesting, narrow furniture for this crazy hallway!

Right now I'm so happy with the color and the freshness and the cleanliness!

But -- what about the chandelier??
Did I tell you that it was coated in grease? That it was somewhat nightmare-ish in style? That it was bright brass? Does it work out? Stay tuned!

A kind of cockamamie way to go about getting ready for a wedding...the before pictures...

Let's back up a bit to before the wedding.

I don't think that we are alone in undertaking renovations to prepare for such an event, but it does seem a little silly.

The front door we never use.

On the one hand, you have this feeling that everything must be perfect for this big event, as if it is some kind of D-day for which every detail must be in place.

On the other hand, the futility of changing one's life from what can at best be described as a work in progress to a finished product looms over one, mocking one's every effort. Add to that the knowledge that no one will notice or care, and you have a powerful reason to just skip it.

But no! We forged ahead! And it's a little hard to show you pictures, because I lack the $20,000 lens I guess I really need for this kind of thing, and also because the spaces in question are somewhat enclosed. So bear with me.

A glimpse into the Chief's study. The front door is on the right.

We moved into this house ten years ago, and about one year later little 12-year old Deirdre insisted that we remove the dreadful "country" wallpaper (you know, the kind with pastel little sprigged motifs) from the hallway.

What lurks beneath bad wallpaper...

I begged her not to, but let her anyway -- such was my lack of energy for projects -- I couldn't even muster the energy to deter them!

The issue really was that this is an endless hallway -- the part of our house that just keeps going with no possible stopping place -- no where to take a bite out of a project and say, "We'll do just this much."

Old plaster, high ceilings, nowhere to stop. Ugh.

In addition, we never use the front door, for reasons that I'll explain to you someday when I, God willing, post pictures of the renovation of the true front of the house and its landscape.

She took that wallpaper down, all right. And now what?

No, if you were going to do it, you were going to start in the entrance, go down the hall, up the stairs, and down the other hall.

This area we call the nook -- it's above the front door below. But -- what to do with it??

And this doesn't even take into account the other other hall I told you about before, which the kids actually did get done a few years ago. Yes, they repaired and painted it! They are great. You can get a peek at it beyond the doorway in the picture below:

So the entry way and hallway remained in this semi-stripped down state for all that time.

At some point, "We've just moved and are getting things into shape" just doesn't cut it as a decorating stance.

I counted my pennies and decided it was worth it to hire a (stunningly reasonably priced) company to repair and paint here. I'm really past dangling on a ladder in a stairway, and the kids were busy either preparing the wedding (while in school) or actually working at real jobs of their own.

One flabbergasting fact of the entry was that there was no light fixture (another reason to ignore it). It was in near total darkness, with the windows facing north. I'm not sure what people did back in the day. It seems like quite an oversight, to have nothing in the way of lighting there!And what do you think of these louvered doors, which are placed here for no discernible reason other than to warp the proportions of the space, making them even more cramped than they already are? Oh, and to catch dust -- they were really good at that!


It does look a lot better with the doors removed -- even before the Chief puts on new trim -- don't you think?
In the next post I will show you the chandelier I found on Craigslist and almost instantly regretted buying, as well as the after pictures.

Do you think that anything can be made of this desperate place? Can we do anything with this?

Some of the crystals are still in the box. But still. I think this could be a big mistake... do you think we can rescue it?

We've got the church, complete with steeple; We've booked the hall - how seat the people?

[Disclaimer! This is Deirdre, not Leila posting. That's why the photos look sub-par. Sorry.]
Wedding planning! First of all, get the perfect invitation that just screams "Rosie":




Check.
Now, pull out the pens and pretend that you know how to calligraph. (For some of the calligraphy, a very talented friend helped. Hers came out better, but we don't have photos of them.)


Check.
Now - wait anxiously for the responses to come in!



Here they come!
We learned a few things about the RSVP from this experience. First of all, we really liked when there were little special messages added in by the respondents like this:


And when one has to decline, it's sweet to add personalized regrets. For instance, on the back of the card like this:


Personally, I loved getting the mail! Receiving RSVP cards was fun, enhanced by occasional personal touches.

At the very last minute, when all of those late responses are in, you put your finalized guest list together.
And then -- horrors! -- you have to figure out where everyone will sit!


A few evenings before the wedding date, the Mother of the Bride gets to sit down with the bride and hash this issue out.


Now, generally speaking, the reason that this wedding happened was because we all just jumped in and helped wherever we could. Someone has a task? Tell me what I can do to make it happen. You need bridesmaids to run errands? Done.


In this case, however, I noticed that my services were not needed (and Suki probably had the same idea).



Another cook in this kitchen will not be helpful! Too much to think about as it is.


Clearly, Mom and Bride just need several hours to talk through this with the aid of many lists and model tables to label.


Every variation of the arrangement must be considered...


Who will make good conversation at table 7? What kind of person does Guest X want to relate to? Are those two still dating? If we put Guest C next to Guest D, will Guest C say something offensive to Guest D? Wait! You forgot entirely about Guests E and F!


Now what you need to know is that this is no ordinary bride. Exactly one month before the wedding, poor Rosie was diagnosed with Mono. At this point (4 days til W-Day), her strength is returning and she's not quite so fatigued. But still, there are limits to how long she can stay up and slave over these tasks. She's doing her best, but she's fading a bit...
Mom keeps her sense of humor in spite of all.


Don't despair, Rosie! Ok. We'll start over on Table 4. Don't worry. We'll get this.


She's still happy. The most important step: take it all in stride.


Yes, after many hours of struggle, they got it done. As far as I could tell from the head table, everyone was happily engaged in conversation and no one lacked a comfortable group to sit and dine with. One major advantage is having great friends to invite who make up Guests A-Z!

Besides, they can't be sitting for too long, anyway --
There's a dance floor that needs populating. You can leave that task to the bridesmaids. :)

Rosie gets married!

All photos by John Lawler

Amidst boxes of borrowed wine and champagne glasses, baskets of laundry, and children who seem to be getting a bit sick, I wanted to show you the early returns on wedding pictures.

From my brother-in-law, here are a few moments:Philip, our new son-in-law ("the Lieutenant" -- in the Marines!), waiting for his bride. When he saw her, he was all smiles!

The vows:

Coming back from placing a bouquet at the statue of Mary:

On the steps of the church afterwards:

And then, a procession from the church to the park outside the town hall where the reception was to be held -- we were led there by a bagpiper -- the son of a friend! It was glorious fun!
Cutting the cake with the sword -- a dream of the Chief's come true! He thinks every cake should be cut with a sword!

A first dance with the couple and their parents:
I have so much to show you, with all the details of the preparations for a wedding in which friends and family made so many decorations, contributed so much, and helped us celebrate with love, worship, and fun. In my wildest hopes it couldn't have been nicer!

Ask Auntie Leila: "I don't want to be 'yelling, screaming, crazy mom.' "

I'm checking in three days before the wedding for an emergency session of Ask Auntie Leila. You know, I guess the people who just won't discipline their children aren't going to be the ones to ask advice.

Too bad, because I really feel like when I see them at the store I'd like to give them a piece of my mind. But I guess they don't read blogs anyway...

Instead we seem to be having an epidemic on the internets of lovely, earnest moms who are maybe a wee bit...serious...when it comes to their children. They need a heavy dose of SOH (Sense of Humor) and perhaps a dash of POV (Point of View), not to mention a bit of SWIMKIPYNPE (So What If My Kid Isn't Perfect You're Not Perfect Either).

My heart truly goes out to you, my friends, because you are such over-thinkers that you are putting a mountain of cares on your little children's shoulders! Relax! Enjoy! It's all so good...

Dear Anne writes in the comments of this post (and there is no email address, so I chose to answer her here):

...My 3 yo [4 in August] and I are in a power battle currently. He is my only gift from God [and it looks like he will always be my only] and I feel like I am "doing it wrong". He told me the other night when I asked him why he was being naughty that he was just "an evil, evil boy". I was older when I had him [as is my husband] and I don't know what I'm doing in the mothering department. I feel overwhelmed. He's a very smart, verbal little guy. He's surrounded by adults and I feel like I expect him to entertain himself too much while we do the necessary stuff of running the house. I think I expect too much of him, that I yell too much, and that he and I are both missing his childhood. I read your post on expectations and that is me. I do take away stuff or threaten to take stuff away [unfortunately I usually do end up removing privileges] and I hate it. I hate being "mean mom". I want to be "loving, nuturing mom", not "yelling, screaming, crazy mom". Help.

Dear Anne,

Do not fear. All will be well. Not because I'm such a font of wisdom -- I don't know you, and I haven't seen you in action. But because God is good, and He will not fail to help you if you ask Him.

1. You must start today praying to your boy's guardian angel every day to help you know how to love him in just the right way. When you pray for your child, first of all you gain the peace that even your mistakes will be made into something beautiful by God. Second, little by little you will find the answers you need for him. It might take a while, but you will find them.

Angels are very practical. They are not the airy-fairy beings we think of. They are God's messengers to us to help us with the nitty-gritty of our interactions with each other and with the physical and spiritual world. Learn to depend on your child's angel. Ask your own angel to help you remember this.

Each person has an angel! This is in the Bible. You can name your angel and ask your son to name his if he would like to.

Also, if you are Catholic, make good use of the Sacrament of Reconciliation in this matter. The priest, in the person of Our Lord, will help you see that you must just be patient, because a little child will always be naughty. This is normal. Stop threatening. If you must say no, say it to mean it, wait, get a result, and move on.

2. Realize that your son needs a lot of physical activity. A lot of mothers forget that their toddlers should be running around in the fields all day chasing the dogs and each other.

When one is older and tireder and there aren't siblings to keep each other busy, this becomes your task. When my oldest son was this age (and only had his baby sister, and I was pregnant), we went to the playground every single day!

Swimming lessons, getting together with friends with little boys who are active, even long walks -- schedule your week so that your priority is that he has at least two hours of physical activity a day. Yes, one way or another! Shove him outdoors in the rain with a bucket, give him a hole to dig, make him move wood from one pile to another.

One of the very best things I've seen was a sandbox a Dad made for his boys. It was a veritable shallow pit in his yard the size of about four of what most of us think of as sandboxes. There were a ton of trucks out there, and army men, and all sorts of things. I wished I had seen it about fifteen years before!

Do not let him be bored. A kid with five siblings can be bored -- it's good for him -- but an only child has too many opportunities to zone out, and it's not healthy.

3. Observe him and try to find out what makes him feel loved -- what makes his face relax, what makes you both feel relaxed. How about reading out loud with your arm around him?

Make sure you read old and traditional books. Nursery rhymes and simple fairy tales are best, because they help a child make sense of the wacky adult world they are forced to deal with.

Does he need to wake up with a cuddle? Does he need a hug at bedtime? Walking in between you and your husband swinging arms? Telling him what a precious gift he is, how happy he makes you? Cutting his sandwich in a sailboat shape? How about just diagonally? Could you do that? It's amazing how happy a three-year old can be made just by having his sandwhich cut diagonally. Somehow it just says "I love you" to him.

{My dear mother-in-law once confessed to me that all my husband ever wanted was to have his sandwich cut diagonally, but "I was just too busy to do it!" She didn't really say that with any irony.... Kind of makes you think, huh?}

I remember my father telling me over and over, "You are the apple of my eye, you are the whole world and everything in it!" It's like a song, you just keep singing it!

You don't have to get goopy-eyed saying it...you don't have to be able to picture the stars as God's daisy chain, if you Wodehouse fans know what I mean. You don't even have to be a particularly good parent to say it. You just have to say it in a moderately nice voice every once in a while.

4. Find a person who has a reasonable relationship with her little boy and try to imitate her. Watch your friend pat her son as he runs by, or give him a quick smack with no words if he is doing something he knows he shouldn't but isn't a big deal. Make friends with people who are good parents and learn from them. Use your hands to get him to where you want him to be. Smile at him with your eyes. Enjoy him -- find something to be very grateful for and focus on that. Don't verbalize everything to your son. Let some things be unspoken.

Okay, this is all I got right now. If you've read this far, thanks for not minding that I didn't put more than one picture in!

Everyone go and give thanks to God for one thing about each of your children, and mean it. And then stop worrying about everything, okay?

By the way, when I get back for real, we've got to talk more about old books for kids that help you become a better parent. Remind me.

God bless you,
XOXO

Leila

A Little Break for a Wedding

So we are trying to get ready for Rosie's wedding, as I've said, or hinted, or fleetingly thought I've said or hinted.

Please sign up for the RSS feed, bookmark the page, or put this page on auto-refresh (is there such a thing?) so that you can make it back here and see how a family of control freaks, frugal hackers, and creative mad geniuses who unfortunately suffer from some kind of collective attention disorder, throw a wedding.If we can, we'll pop in to keep you posted. If not, have a glass of iced tea -- we'll see you in July! XOXO! You're fabulous! We love you!