Advent, The beginning of Wonder

Advent is the perfect time to begin to see what I meant by saying -- surprising even myself -- that the home is a place for order and wonder.


THE question, the one I started blogging to try to answer, the one I despair of finding time or brain cells to answer (because I'm just little old ME, what do I know?) and yet, everyone asks me because everyone asks everyone...

...and I'm willing to try to answer, even though I don't know how to say it... THE answer to the question of how exactly your home should be, to be the best possible place for a child to grow and learn, in short, "How do you do it?" --

--Is--to live your family's own expression of order

-- the right understanding and use of things;


-- and wonder

-- the sense of the otherness of God and the beauty of His creation.


We can wonder about wonder: How will I do that? Do I talk about it? Put up signs? Give a lecture to my kids? ("Be amazed!" I hear parents all over the land admonishing...) Is there a curriculum for that? Where do I buy it?

In a sense there is a curriculum for that! And it's free!

It's true!

The Church and the generations that have gone before us have given us a miraculous guide for keeping a simple heart of wonder in ourselves and our children.

It's Christian life, which includes -- along with Sundays, prayer, and knowing the Saints -- living the Liturgical Year, which ends this Sunday and begins again a week from Sunday.

This requires nothing more from us than to make a few simple preparations.

Now, I know that most people eat their turkey and then start decorating for Christmas. (God help us, the songs, the infernal songs, have already started in the stores.) And we all like to be in on this, because Christmas decorations are beautiful (and the other songs, the holy ones, are lovely).

The problem is, starting out of the proper time leads to Christmas fatigue on the one hand, and on the other, to a sense of letdown the day after Christmas, when we feel it's all over.

The reality is that this time before Christmas has been given to us as a time of pondering, of silence, and, above all, of waiting.

And these things -- pondering, silence, expectation - are exactly the dispositions we need to instill wonder, not only in the hearts of our children, but in our own, which so often can be overwhelmed by the noise and bustle of life, not to mention this artificial season of The Holidays.

"The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light."



Simply by lighting a candle, and then two candles, and then three, and then four -- we can begin to inspire wonder in our family...

No need for long lectures, extra school work, or really even talking directly to them. Just do these things devotedly, as a family, and you will see them respond.

{By the way, don't be afraid of real candles even with young children. There is something mysteriously inspiring about candles that we can't deprive them of. I want to use the word magical, but in the good sense. Think of it -- nothing else physical remains undiminished when it's shared, as candlelight does.

No other light -- apart from the sun -- has the warmth and beauty of candles. You will find a safe way to bring candles into your daily routine, I know it.}



Advent traditions are simple, childlike, and inspiring. Last year I did post on some of the things our family does, and I encourage you to re-read those Advent posts, keeping in mind that if I, with four birthdays to celebrate in December, can do it, so can you!

I realize very well that the mother of the family has to think ahead. But if we can make the time truly one for preparation, not fulfillment (as in, ta-da! the day after Thanksgiving my house is fully decorated up to the hilt), I believe we will have a deeper experience of the riches of Christmas, which then lasts until the Baptism of the Lord!

Are you up for not doing things on Hallmark time, but rather on Church time? Can you stand the peer pressure of it all?

It might not be easy...

By all means, get things ready and involve the children! By all means, make ornaments, bake cookies, and set up your Nativity set.



But tuck the cookies away...leave Baby Jesus out of His manger for now.

Emphasize the waiting...




Did you know that Advent is a time of penance? Not the way Lent is, exactly. More in that way that when a longed-for guest is on his way, we save the best things for him.

So fie! on those Advent calendars with chocolate inside the doors! Since candy and sweets abound during Christmas, why not use this time to encourage the little ones to hold off, for the sake of Jesus' coming?

Just as we wouldn't eat the cake before the party, so we don't start the feasting until Christmas Day (always excepting the four birthdays, the Feast of St. Nicholas, the Immaculate Conception, and please, please do not bring up any other feasts to me, I cannot handle it!).



Likewise, although I'm impressed by the creativity of today's crafty moms, I can't say I think it's a good idea to institute the Advent gift tradition. Twenty-four presents before Christmas morning? No, people. If anything, we want to be lowering present-oriented expectations, not gearing them up for an impossible consummation. I have nothing against giving presents for the Twelve Days of Christmas, if you can stomach it.

The primary reality of Christmas is that the Second Person of the Trinity became man, taking on flesh to become that bridge between the darkness of human existence and the light of the Godhead.

There was a darkness in the time of the waiting of the Jews for the Messiah, and there was a darkness amongst the pagans. Today we have a growing experience, alas, of this same twofold darkness: a weariness of the law and a slavery to disorder.

What can we do to overcome this darkness? We must live the hope that the Light of the World comes -- that He came once in time and continues to come to each person and will come again.

To live in this wonder, dig deep for those childhood memories, if you are blessed to have them, of what your family did to prepare for the coming of Christ.
Did you put straw in the manger with your good deeds?


Did you open the doors on the Advent calendar?


Did you sing O Come, O Come Emmanuel as you lit the candles on the Advent wreath?

If you didn't grow up with traditions, then learn them! Start slowly, be simple, don't expect perfection.

These are the traditions that our children are longing for. Don't worry if you haven't done them before. You can start them any time. Start now!

Nick and Natasha's wedding!

Finally, I have pulled myself together to do a post on our second wedding of the year! God is good! You can read all about it on our family blog, Happy Despite Them.

Reprise: Lapbooks

If you are doing Thanksgiving stuff with your kids in school, why not make a lapbook?

I posted about lapbooks a while ago, with details about a lapbook we made for Thanksgiving one year.

Nothing fancy, but fulfilling enough that Bridget wants to look at it, years later...

Ask Auntie Leila: How can I be hospitable to my kids' friends, foodwise?

{To all you dear commenters on my last post, I will undoubtedly not be You Tubing anything, gosh, but I am certainly going to hit you with an Advent post.

I see that all over the internets people have already done their Advent posts, but I am never on time with Advent. I will be this year, because I have to get my stuff out for the talk on Sunday! It's God's secret plan to outwit me, not that He needs a plan for that. He wouldn't anyway, He's God, but especially when it comes to... oh, never mind.}

Dear Auntie Leila,

Long-time lurker, first-time poster :)

Thanks for your beautiful and encouraging blog. It brightens my day and is so helpful. [Awww, thanks!]

Just wondering if you could give your thoughts some time on spur-of-the moment hospitality and cooking. I have two high school sons, and twin 5th grade daughters. Their friends are always ending up at our house--which I love! But I would like to be better prepared to offer them a good meal or snack. Or being prepared to invite someone to dinner at the last minute. Sometimes I have things on hand to make something, but some times not. I hate to always be running to the store. I'd love to hear your ideas?
Thanks so much,
Amy

Dear Amy,

Isn't it great to have the kids over? And you are right -- it's good to be prepared. But how?

{It is better to be invited to herbs with love...}



So we'll keep it simple, relying on the warm family atmosphere that no doubt is what attracts kids to your house!

Now, first of all, you know your menu binder? Go ahead and put a section -- a page! -- in there for snacks and something called easy company menus. You know how you did your family menu bank? Do the same for this: ask your family what snacks they have had at others' houses, which ones they enjoy the most, which ones they've been wishing for.

Many basic cookbooks (Good Housekeeping, Better Homes and Gardens, Joy of Cooking, Fanny Farmer) that you probably have on your shelf right now have whole sections for snacks. Look through for the simplest, easiest ones and jot them down.

Ditto for company food. Remember, you aren't trying to make a list of astonishing elegant dishes. You are trying to make a list of things you could pull out quickly.

This is more useful to you than me telling you what we like (although I will do that too!). Every family is different, and you will hit on what yours likes best.

Here are my ideas for snacks.

These are the simplest possible snacks. They are nothing amazing, but somehow the kids love them, and once you have your little list, it's easy to keep the ingredients on hand -- just make sure that you go through the "snack" checklist when you are shopping:

Popcorn. Somehow you don't think about it (at least, I don't), but who doesn't love popcorn? I get the store brand "natural" microwaveable kind. No "butter", no flavors -- i.e., no MSG and rotten fats. Surprisingly, everyone finds it satisfying and always tells me they are SURE it does have butter on it!

If you have a fireplace, you should try to find an old-fashioned popper. Let them burn a few batches until they have it right. ;)

Serve with hot cocoa or cider. My recipe for hot cocoa: mix equal parts cocoa and sugar (I think -- I made this last year and every time I have to experiment. I also like it very chocolaty). Add a pinch of salt. Teach the kids to stir up a few tablespoons (I keep a coffee measure in the jar) with a smidge of cold water until a paste forms; then add milk. This microwaves up just fine (no, the milk won't boil over -- you don't boil the milk for hot cocoa) and is far healthier than the mixes with all the gums and odd ingredients.

Another snack to go with the above is graham crackers. You will see a whole new side of those teenaged boys when you serve them graham crackers and cocoa :)

Nachos. Again, only buy plain chips -- any flavor on a chip is mostly MSG! Keep bags of grated cheddar (the sharp kind! not the bland kind) in the fridge -- they are the same price as the bricks per pound, and worth their weight in dollars for streamlining things in the meal-prep department. There are very few shortcuts I go for, but grated cheese for cooking is one of them!

Spread your corn chips out right on your microwave turntable (spotlessly clean, of course), sprinkle with cheese and a smidge of cumin or chili powder-- a few flakes of pepper if the guys like that-- and microwave for 30 seconds or until the cheese melts.

For a real teenaged boy blowout treat, make a layered dip (however many layers you have on hand): heat up a can of refried beans (make sure to choose a brand that does have lard and doesn't have MSG), top with salsa, top with guacamole, top with sour cream, top with grated cheese. Hand them a spreader and the chips. There are young men wandering this world right now who love us just for this dip.

Slices of homemade bread with butter and honey. It's worth it to start a batch of dough every morning just to be ready in the afternoon with this snack.

Gingerbread. This recipe is from the Joy of Cooking. It has the virtue of mixing up in one bowl and making the house smell like the inside of a fairy tale.

{I'm on my second copy of this cookbook, by the way. It's tattered to bits and the page with this recipe has the doubled proportions written on it -- and for some reason also 1 1/2 times proportions (maybe because I was using a smaller but not smallest pan -- that enameled white one? could be) -- and is wrinkled and brown-splotched, as by the detritus of many gingerbread makings.}

Preheat oven to 350* (325* convection).
Use a lasagna pan, greased. (I'm giving you the proportions for this size-- double what the recipe calls for. I'm also compressing it because I just mix it up all at once without sifting the dry ingredients or any other nonsense. I'm assuming you have a Kitchenaid mixer for this. If not, I think you know where Santa lives.)

Melt 1 cup butter

Add and beat well: 1 cup sugar, 2 eggs

Add 5 cups flour, 3 tsps. baking soda, 2 tsps. each cinnamon and ginger, 1 tsp. salt

Begin mixing and add (you could mix these all together beforehand, or not) 1 cup molasses, 1 cup honey, 2 cups water (although cold coffee here is really excellent if you can afford the caffeine and happen to have a pot sitting there), and the grated peel of one orange -- omit by all means if this seems onerous.

Just beat this all together. Pour into your pan and bake for about 30 minutes or until you can't stand it any more. Just outrageously good.

Here are some ideas for a good suppers for last-minute guests of the kid variety.
Any soup is good. Chicken noodle is easy to mix up if you have stashed cooked chicken and broth in the freezer.

If you have a can of tomatoes, flour, butter, milk, and broth, you can have cream of tomato soup in a twinkling...


A little bit of leftover roast and mashed potatoes goes into little pies...

It really is dinner out of nothing!
If you have chili in the freezer, you can serve chili and just make it more soupy by adding another can of petite diced tomatoes or broth (you can always put in a can of tomato paste and add water). With crackers, corn chips, and guacamole, yummy. You can also make tamale pie (just plop the chili in a pan and dollop on your favorite cornbread recipe), tacos, and enchiladas with leftover chili.

If you make sure to have sausage in the freezer (I prefer the fancy chicken, sundried tomato, and feta style ones -- do you know the kind I mean? One package holds four, which can feed 8 -- I don't like them whole; they are better sliced. Or fresh brats or fresh kielbasa is good), you can always make a big pasta dish that features sliced sauteed sausage, some kind of veggie like green beans or asparagus lightly sauteed, onions, peppers, and a white wine bechamel sauce with plenty of Parmesan.

Any small amount of meat can be stretched by having enough sides.Do I just go around taking pictures of supper? Why, yes! And you see how handy it is!

A leftover bit of pot roast makes a beautiful beef pot pie. Pie crust is just such a help in stretching that meat...do you know how to make a good one? Practice, butter, and lard!

You should inflict pot pies on your family until you can make one in your sleep with about a tablespoon of meat. As long as you have carrots, potatoes, and a package of peas in the freezer (small white onions optional), you are golden.
Confidential to Kari: Make sure you mix extra flour into your cold ingredients, as the vegetables exude liquid while cooking, thinning the gravy. Julia Child tells us that a flour slurry (flour mixed with cold liquid as opposed to a roux) will not break down but continue to thicken and look glossy even while held. See why you have to study your cookbooks? :)

Don't forget the fruit crisp for dessert! If you tucked some topping away, you are all set. And if you live with us, you will always have ice cream in the freezer!

If you've read this far, I will tell you a story.

Once I really didn't have more than $25 for the week's groceries -- and 6 kids to feed -- nine of us all together! I was shopping at Elegant Market because they always have a marked down vegetable bin that contains produce not Elegant but just fine. I got milk, some veggies, some marked down frozen ground beef, maybe some cheese and pasta, and two quarts of ice cream. I asked the checker to give me a subtotal so I wouldn't go over my pittance.

Sure enough, the total was over. I looked at her, looked at the stuff on the belt, and asked her to take back the....







....milk!! You can always drink water, but you need your ice cream!

Please give us your snack and hospitality ideas in the comments!

Thanks to Ann Kroeker for the link!

I'm speaking this Sunday to both mothers and fathers in the little Atrium we have made at Our Lady of the Rosary. In typical fashion we have fallen down on the job of letting anyone know about this... I'll probably be speaking to the other teacher!
If you are local, please come! I would love to meet you.

 If you don't know what Atrium is, learn more about the Catechesis of the Good Shepherd here.

Some people might get the idea that you need a special room with lots of materials to open children's minds and hearts to the wonder of God's gifts to us. They might also think that I'm some sort of expert teacher with all the answers.

But the truth is, we have everything we need at home and in the Church to do this important work, and any teaching ability I have comes from my experience as a mother as well as my observation of what others do in their class. (I'm not even a certified CGS teacher -- I'm place-holding for someone really qualified to come along and take my place so I can stay home and spray paint stuff.)

In my view, the Atrium just shows us what we've lost in this hectic world of ours -- it doesn't replace the unique ability of the family to transmit the faith to children.

Below is the flyer I made for the talk. If for some crazy reason you want to print one out, you can find it here.

The Joy of the Church in the Home: What the Atrium can teach us about living the faith in the family this Advent.

Given by Leila M. Lawler

Our Lady of the Rosary, Clinton, Massachusetts, 2^nd floor

 Sunday, November 15, 3-4 pm.

Mothers and Fathers:

·         Are you looking for a more peaceful Christmas celebration this year?

·         Are you interested in preparing for Christmas differently this year?

·         Are there Advent traditions that you would like your children to know?

·         Do you wonder how to keep the faith alive in your children?

The Atrium is where we teach the Catechesis of the Good Shepherd. It’s located on the second floor of Our Lady of the Rosary.

Come participate in a presentation just like one given to the children and hear a talk on how to live your faith at home with your family.

Mrs. Lawler is a convert to the Catholic faith. She has written and spoken widely on living the Liturgical Year with the family.

Start-up costs: Why it's not a good idea to use up ALL you have before you buy more.

Once long ago I talked to you about certain economics principles applied to the management of food in the home. Were you all with me on that?

Your motivating idea should be to buy low (get stuff on sale, marked down, on clearance, at a good price -- consistently) and sell high. The sell high bit doesn't exactly apply, because you aren't selling your food, you are eating it. But to me it just means "eat high"  --- eat well despite high prices -- and "time is money" -- consider your time something you have to buy at a high cost, and use it well.

Here's another economics principle for you, and I just know you are all agog to learn it:

Keep start-up costs low.

Start-up costs are the up-front expenditures made in a business before delivering the product to the customer. You are the business. The customer is your family. The product is the meal. The costs are in dollars and time!

Now to this one there are two parts. One we have talked about, and it's mainly about time: Saving a step every time you cook.

But there are other start-up costs that are real costs, in real actual dollars.

Sometimes I read the advice, supposedly frugal, to use up everything you have on hand before buying more food. 

And I don't think this is actually frugal in the long run.

Now, to be clear, I realize that it happens that you are at the end of the money and have to be clever. I've been there too, and I think it's worthwhile to know how, in an emergency, to get by for a while on what you have.

The problem, though, with using up all the beans, rice, and onions you have as a regular practice, before buying anything more, is that very soon you will need those things and not necessarily be able to get them at a good price! You will have to start up your process of building the pantry all over again, which costs too much in time as well as money.

So I want to talk about the normal case, which is that you have a certain limited amount to spend every month, and you need to make the most of it.

For long-term frugality, constantly adding to your stores by buying low is the best way to squeeze every penny. It has to do with start-up costs!

You have to look at everything you buy as representing a certain amount of time and effort as well as money.

You hunted down the best price for flour, sugar, beans, coffee, canned tomatoes, pasta, oil, and so on. You invested in a certain quantity of these things -- more than you need for the present moment, to tide you over to the next sale -- with the idea of saving money overall.

With the money you save buying these things at a low price, you are able to buy other things at a low price as well, stocking up on meat, vegetables in season, and fancy things like nuts, chocolate, dried fruits, etc.

Very likely there will be a time lag between getting them into your pantry and the next time the price will be right.

Meanwhile, you do your weekly shopping, continuing to roll your extra money (gained from stocking up on low-priced items) over into supplies for future meals. And it's essential that you do this if you are able to, because every week there will be some things that are priced low that you can stock up on. Some weeks are better than others, and it is true that you can spend more or less depending on how good the prices are, if you are willing to use what you have.

It's hard to start doing all this.It take effort.  You have to change your thinking. You have to research prices.

It's a start-up cost.

It gets easier if you don't have to do it all at once. It's easier if you don't have to get the machinery grinding up from zero each time!

Now, your menu plans, in addition to the goal of providing interesting, nutritious dishes for your family in a timely manner, should also take into consideration this ongoing process of using your own stores of food to the best possible advantage ("selling high").

If there are bags of frozen broccoli (from when you cooked extra when making a side dish) at the bottom of your freezer (and look! I even tell you how to organize your deep freezer!), AND whole chickens are on sale this week, then I would plan a big pot of broccoli soup. That away you take advantage of both the stash you have and the bargain you can get.

When beef is on sale, plan for stews and use those tomatoes you froze in August (if you had any, unlike moi).

Your menus shouldn't just be a reflection of what you feel like eating that week but also a judicious use of what you have on hand and what's on sale this week.

If you have a good idea for using this week's bargains (wherever you might be) and what you have on hand in your menus, why not leave a comment about it? We'd love to hear from you!

Make menus. Really.

Do you realize that everything hinges on knowing what is for dinner?

What is the difference between getting some housework done and living in a pit dug out by spatially challenged warthogs? Between being able to have a good homeschooling day and feeling like you are in charge of a bunch of illiterate savages who figure out the speed of passing trains with knotted ropes and their fingers? Between starting a creative project of any kind, working on it, and finishing it, versus feeling like all you do is go in and out of the grocery store?

Knowing that dinner is under control.

Why is this?

Because, and I realize this might be news to you, so hang on -- dinner happens every day.

Now, one reason I started writing about my menu system is that I often read elsewhere about people's meal ideas, and they always amount to something like, "Make your menus, shop, and cook."

It did seem like something was left out...

On the other hand, I was somewhat daunted by the amazing proliferation of really wonderful blogs, magazines, and books with barges full of recipes.

Yet, recipes are not really the issue, since the chances are slim that you have the ingredients on hand to make something truly different and exciting, and how can you either rely solely on "things you have on hand" or shop effectively for more variety without knowing which recipe you will make on which day?

And that's where I come in. Go over to the sidebar where it says "Happy Home: Food Organization" and read all about it.

In a nutshell, I'm telling you that it's not enough to say, Monday we'll have spaghetti, Tuesday we'll have rotisserie chicken from the grocery store, Wednesday we'll eat out, Thursday we'll have pasta, Friday we'll have leftovers, Saturday I get the day off cooking, and Sunday my mother will rescue me.

This is pretty much the "menu plan" I read in a major newspaper, purporting to finally, once and for all, straighten out your life!

Yet she's hardly cooking at all, spending a lot on prepared food, and leaving herself open to an emergency trip to the store or restaurant with that deceptive "leftovers" entry.

Another lady tells you to simply come up with a bunch of menus without regard to the day of the week. I look with envy on her, as I contemplate a different schedule every day. I also wonder if it's too much cooking, since with my detailed plan I can schedule making chicken and rice one day and using the leftovers in a casserole a few days later. Now that's "leftovers"!

For my way of life, I have to take into account that on Monday the Chief needs to get out the door by 6:45 for a meeting, but on Wednesday and Thursday Bridget and I won't be home between 4 and 8!

{I made a big pot of chili last Saturday. I served it with squash and guacamole. A little dab of squash (seasoned with salt, pepper, and cinnamon) was left over. 

Monday's dinner was easy: chili, homemade coleslaw, and squash biscuits using that little dab. Here I show you how to make the biscuits. You can use any little bit of yams, squash, or potatoes you might have!

Mix your squash with some buttermilk. The hand blender makes quick work of this step.}

{Pour out some of your handy baking mix (you will find the recipe here) -- no need to measure once you know what about 2 cups looks like. This will be enough for the four of us -- use 4 cups for 8 people, etc.... The sooner you learn to make certain basics without measuring, the quicker dinner will be on the table and the less of a pain it will be!}

{Mix your liquids in with your baking mix. You can add some herbs and/or cheese if you like -- I did put in a pinch of sage.

Once you've made biscuits according to a recipe, you will know that the amount depends on the texture you are looking for. Just get that texture and skip the measuring! Add more plain buttermilk as needed to make a stiff dough. The wetter your dough, the more like a muffin it will be. The drier, the more flaky and biscuit-y it will be.}

 {Pat into a lump and knead it a few times, folding the dough on itself to create flaky layers when it bakes.}

 {Roll out and cut into rounds (which will result in a few mal-formed bits using up the scraps) or squares (which is more efficient, scrap-wise).}

{Here I pre-heated my cast iron pan with butter. You can use any baking vessel big enough -- lasagna pan, baking sheet, corning ware.}

I note that Wednesdays in the morning I have time to bake, but Fridays, not at all. I detest cooking on Saturdays, but have time on Sunday to get a roast going. I might as well really plan, if I'm going to plan. I think some people do all this unconsciously, and good for them!

But if you are like me, a little scattered, a little undisciplined, a little clueless, good at cooking but not at doing things when you ought to, you need a detailed menu for each day; so you might as well bow down to your inevitable fate and have fun making menus. It really is fun, once you accept the whole process, because finally you will be able to actually give those tasty recipes a try, as well as take advantage of your sturdy dependables when the day calls for it.

More importantly, you will finally be freed up to turn your attention to other things.